Feeling Stuck in Your Thoughts? Cognitive Distortions After Moving Countries – and What to Do About Them

Stuck in your thoughts?

By Angela Leonardo and Jenna Mayhew

Starting over in a new country is more than just paperwork, packing, and plane tickets. It’s a profound emotional journey, often filled with excitement, but also confusion, self-doubt, and loneliness. If you’ve ever caught yourself in negative thought spirals during the international move, you’re not alone. These kinds of thoughts can be examples of cognitive distortions.

Let’s explore some common cognitive distortions that might come up during an international move:

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking 

This distortion leaves no room for middle ground. Everything feels like a total success or an utter failure. When adjusting to a new country, it’s easy to fall into these extremes:

• “Wow, I can’t believe I just forgot the word for ‘milk’ while ordering my coffee! I’ll never master this language.”

• “This move must completely change my life for the better, or it’s a failure.”

  
  

There’s rarely space in these thoughts for the slow - and often non-linear - nature of growth and adjustment.

2. Mind Reading 

Once you’re out of your comfort zone, it’s easy to assume others are judging or evaluating you harshly – especially when language or cultural differences come into play, i.e.: 

• “Look at their facial expressions while I’m talking  - they’re clearly judging my accent.”

• “I can’t figure out how to pay for the metro - everyone in this station thinks I’m a clueless tourist.”

  
  

But remember: just because a thought feels true doesn’t make it fact. Mind reading rarely leads to compassionate or accurate conclusions.

3. “Should” Statements 

Moving abroad can stir up a lot of internal pressure to “get it right.” These statements often reflect unrealistic expectations we place on ourselves, rooted in perfectionism or comparison.

• “It’s been six months here, I should already speak fluently/have more local friends/know the bus route without having to check the map  (and on and on...!) ”

  
  

These “shoulds” can keep you stuck in cycles of guilt and frustration, rather than helping you move forward.

4. Mental filtering

When you're adjusting to life in a new country, the stress of the transition can cause you to overlook the small wins and fixate on what’s gone wrong. Mental filtering means zeroing in on the negative parts of an experience while ignoring the positives.

• “Even though I just had a successful two hour conversation in my new language, I made a basic grammar error at one point that I should already know not to do. I’m so embarrassed.”

• “I finally found a place to live and got most of my documents sorted out, but I missed a phone call from immigration about my appointment. I’m so disorganized.”

  
  

Even in situations that are mixed or mostly positive, your brain might only latch onto what didn’t go well. 

These are just a few examples of cognitive distortions, and the good news is they can be identified, challenged, and changed with practice!

Here are a few tools that can help:

• Journaling: Track your thoughts to spot patterns.

• Mindfulness: Stay grounded in the present rather than jumping to conclusions. 

• Cognitive restructuring: Practice positive self-talk and affirmations to replace distorted thoughts with more balanced ones.

  
  

You’re Not Alone in This!

If you find that these thought patterns are interfering with your well-being, consider speaking with a therapist who understands the immigrant experience. Therapy can provide a nonjudgmental space to explore what you’re feeling – and help you build new ways of relating to yourself and your new environment. 

Here at Hola Therapy, we offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy treatment. If you’d like to learn more, please send us an email here.